And by the way...

Happy, Happy 36th birthday to my little sister, Alison!! We love you, Ali!!

Updated pictures

Hey everyone...
There will not be many words to this post. Mostly pictures. I've got lots of pictures to post of Hope's swimming lessons, birthday parties, etc.

Mark was sick this weekend and at 3am on Monday morning Hope thught she'd get sick, too. She threw up for a few hours and now it's coming from the other end. Hoepfully she'll get better by this weekend. We're supposed to be heading to Stevens Point for my Mom's SURPRISE birthday party....however, I found out last night that it's no longer a surprise. Apparently a couple of people sent her
Happy 70th Birthday cards and my Mom asked Alison why those people would know she was turning 70. Well, Ali lied as best as she could, but she's not a good liar (I guess that's a good thing...but never take her to Vegas with you. hehehe). So Mom knows now. There will still be plenty of surprises though:)

So...here is a slide show of Hope from this summer. Enjoy.

Happy Birthday to Hope!

Yep. Today's the day. Our little girl turned 2 today. We had such an awesome day with her. The day started by me making banana pancakes for breakfast. She loved them! Then Hope and I went to my piano student's house for a weekly lesson. They gave her the cutest pair of jeans and shirt. So sweet. Then we stopped at the hospital to give Dr. Hallman a little birthday cake (a tradition with us since he helped bring Hope into this world...well, kinda). He wasn't there:( We got home and shortly after we got home our friends Matt, Amy and Heidi came to visit. It was so good to see them again. Hope had a hard time sharing her toys with Heidi at first (Heidi is 18 months old). But she got the hang of it after a while (THANK GOD). Our friend Dawn came over to celebrate, too. We had lunch and then while Hope was napping, Dawn, Amy, Heidi and I headed to Woodbury to go to the Carter's store. Of course I saw some cute things there and had to buy them for Hope. We got back home and had the DQ ice cream cake that Mark had picked up. YUMMY!!! It had Cookie Monster on it. Hope LOVED it!! After our friends left we got ready for our last swimming lesson. We had a great time playing with all the water toys. When lessons were done we handed out cookies to the kids in Hope's class so they could celebrate her birthday with us. Oh...Grammy and Papa surprised us and showed up at Hope's lesson. She was so excited! After the lesson we ate our picnic supper at the park and played on the playground. Hope had such a great time. She's going down the slides all by herself now...just like a big girl. We ended our day by watching Mark ref some college girls basketball games. Oh...and the River Falls Police Department gave ME a gift for Hope's birthday: a warning and not a ticket for speeding. YIKES!!! Now those of you who know me KNOW I tend to have a little bit of a heavy foot, but I can honestly say that I always watch my speed in town. I guess I wasn't watching today, but I truly thought I was. I didn't even shake or anything when he pulled me over because I thought it was a mistake on his part. Anyway, the officer was VERY nice to me. I told him that even if he had given me a ticket I would have said the same thing. He was just really a nice guy. After he handed me the warning I said, "Here's the funny thing about this. I'm on my way to the high school to watch my husband ref some basketball games. Tonight his reffing partner is Jeff Linehan." He just smiled. You see, Jeff Linehan is the head of the River Falls Police Department. hehehe

So it was a good day for MANY reasons today. I've decided that of all the days of the year, July 19 is my very favorite day. We just have such a wonderful time making Hope's birthday as special as we can. We must have done a good job because as she was falling asleep tonight she was saying things like, "My birthday" and "Cookie Monster." Her party is on Saturday and that will be a fun time. LOW KEY this year compared to the huge 1st birthday party she had.

Now the reflective part: I can't believe that two years ago right now I was so tired that I wanted to sleep, but couldn't because the adrenaline was pumping. I was also excited, waiting for the first time the nurse would bring Hope into my room so I could nurse her. I wanted to hold her all night long, but I knew I desperately needed to get some sleep. Two years later it's the same thing: I so want to hold her all night long (which is probably why she still sleeps in bed with us), but I know I have to get some sleep. I thought that July 19, 2005 was the day that God blessed us the most. Little did I know that that was just the beginning of the blessings with our daughter. She is such a joy, such a blessing. You Moms out there know how your heart just swells with love, joy, pride, etc, and then your eyes swell with tears of those same feelings. We have an amazing little girl. It's hard to believe how much she's grown in two years: from the 5 lb, 10oz baby (4 lbs, 13oz when she came home from the hospital) who slipped out of me like a little seal to this little girl who is speaking in complete sentences and who is quickly losing even her "toddler-ness." Please don't let her grow up too fast, Lord. She's the only one we'll ever have. Thank you, God, for this precious gift that you've given to us. Help us be the best parents we can be. Help us be able to provide Hope with all that she needs to be a happy little girl. Please keep her safe as she grows. Amen!

Now it's time to crawl up next to my baby (she'll always be my baby), and go to sleep. Mark will probably post his thoughts about today sometime tomorrow. And we'll post pictures from today, too.

Let's try something new...

So our friends Ron and Beth have been doing this slide show thing on their blog for a long time now. I thought it was time I did the same. So here's my first attempt. Thanks to Grammy and Papa for the pictures. Enjoy!

Feelings

Feelings are important. What's even more important is learning how to express your feelings in a positive way. Grammy took a class about Grandparents as child care providers a few weeks ago at UW-Madison. One of the topics they discussed in the class is teaching children how to express their feelings. So we started working with Hope. It has helped a lot. Now instead of just screaming when she's upset, she'll actually say, "I'm mad" or "I'm sad." Until today, those two were the only feelings she'd really express (sometimes, if we're lucky and with a little coaxing, she'll say "I'm happy"). Well, Grammy just called me to tell me what the latest feeling is that she's expressing. "I'm frustrated." hehehe Now I'm not laughing that Hope was frustrated about something. I'm laughing because here she is, not even two yet, and she can clearly say the phrase, "I'm frustrated." AND she knows what it means. She totally used it in context. Grammy had cleaned out some little bottles (like the plastic spice bottles) and given them to Hope to play with (she likes to pretend she's making muffins, coffee and soup, so the spice bottles are perfect for her to play with). She was having trouble getting the tops on and off and out of the blue, with no coaxing from Grammy or Papa (she was playing by herself while Grammy was fixing lunch) she said, "I'm frustrated." With that she threw the bottle and the cover on the floor. Now that part I'm not crazy about, but at least she can express herself. Now we can start working on how to handle those feelings. Now the fact that she knows that word is a bit scary though. That means that Mark and I must use the word a lot, which means we must be frustrated alot. We've gotta work on that.

Other news: swimming lessons are going, well, swimmingly! Hope is having a great time. The first night was perfect because it was nice and warm and sunny. Last night I got in the pool with Hope and it was freezing! Poor thing was shivering when we got out of the water. Tonight is going to be about the same as last night. Thankfully the lessons are only 30 minutes. Of course we'd have to take lessons during the summer cold front. UGH!! Now I'M frustrated. hehehe Maybe next week will be warmer. Anyway...Hope did NOT want to have anything to do with floating on her back on the first night, but last night went much better. She did great! And she's learning how to jump into the water (into our arms, of course) from the side of the pool. Oh, and one of her swim instructors has the "camp" name Cockroach. He told us that when he introduced himself on Monday night. So his name was said once. Last night we got to lessons and Mark asked Hope what her teacher's name was. She looked at the teacher and said, "Cockroach." We couldn't believe it!! He was amazed, too, that she remembered that from the night before. Of course then we had to get her to tell him what her favorite geometric shape is. hehehe

Tomorrow starts River Falls Days. FUN!! Lots of garage sales to check out and the great parade on Friday night. Hope and I will have to go to the parade by ourselves as Mark will be in Madison helping Brian move into his new house. He'll be back on Saturday night and then we'll go to Ryan's memorial service on Sunday afternoon. I'm still in shock about Ryan's death. It doesn't seem real.

And ya know how they say bad things come in 3's? Well, I got the notice of the third death yesterday. A wonderful man from the church I worked at in Dallas died on Sunday. Gene Friesen and his wife Glenna are just so nice and always were supporters of me while I was in Dallas. Gene has been sick for quite a while, so even though we will miss him, he is healthy, whole and with Jesus now.

Mark gave me an option of how I'd like to celebrate my 40th birthday. I know what I'm going to choose, but I'd like to know what you'd choose, so leave your comments. I can either have a big birthday bash that would be catered by Mariachi Loco (my favorite Mexican restaurant in Wisconsin), or we can go on a surprise trip. Now I'm not so sure I like the surprise part of that (simply because I like to plan), but I do like the trip part of that. Anyway...I'm going with the trip. I'm thinking Door County (if you don't know about Door County, you've got to Google it and check it out), Galena, or maybe even a road trip to Kansas City...but only if my friends Marsha and Jeff (and maybe even Pam and John??) would meet us there for a weekend.

OK...time to hang this random blog up. Hey...I need to copy a DVD. Anyone have any ideas, suggestions, etc?? If you have access to this type of technology, let me know please. The sooner I can get it done, the better. Being the cheapskate that I am, I really don't want to pay much for it. I'm looking to make copies of the DVD that the funeral home in Hartwell, GA, made of Ryan's life. Anyway, if you have ideas, please let me know.

Have a great Wednesday!

PS...I'll post pictures of Hope swimming soon.

It's been a tough week. I sang--or rather TRIED to sing--in church this morning. "Word of God Speak." An awesome song. I thought I could do it, but in light of the two tragedies we've had this week I barely got through the song.

Scott, Jan, Brandon, Natalie and little Tyler all flew out of MSP to Atlanta (final destination: Hartwell, GA) on Tuesday and just got home this morning. Even though Scott and I shared some hugs and tears together tonight (more on that later), I can't imagine being in their shoes. While in Georgia they helped their daughter in law plan Ryan's funeral, had a visitation, a funeral and buried their son. They visited with some of the people Ryan worked with and are realizing more and more every day what an influence Ryan had on the people around him. The number one thing that keeps coming up: how important Ryan's family was to him. They had a chance to visit the accident site, too. I don't know if I could have done that, but I think it was a good thing for them to do. More closure. So tonight I met Scott and Mark's parent's house and watched the DVD that the funeral home in Georgia put together as a memorial to Ryan. I just bawled. It's just not fair, Lord! I'm sad for Jan and Scott and Jennifer, but my heart breaks when I think of his sons...especially for the one that will be born next month. Joshua (he'll be 2 in December) won't remember his father, but at least he'll have lots of great pictures of himself with his Dad to look back on. Noah won't have any of that. I'm trusting, Lord, that somehow you're in all this.

Mark, Mark's Mom and I continue to help Scott and Jan however we can to put things together for Ryan's memorial service. It will be at Eau Galle Damn site (a beautiful place) in Spring Valley, WI, on July 15th. I think there will be a ton of people there. I'd say about 150. Whatever they need, that's what we'll do.

Mark went to the funeral of his friend Scott Basche on Thursday. He saw lots of people from his former Lutheran Brotherhood days, so it was a time a renewal for him...and for his friends. Although it was tough and continues to be tough to think that Scott is gone, his faith was strong and we know he's with Jesus...healthy (no more cancer), whole (he now has both of his legs back...they had been amputated due to the cancer), and at peace. Yes, those of us who had the pleasure of meeting him have heavy hearts, but we can also have happy hearts because of the legacy he leaves behind. Lori (Scott's wife) told Mark that Scott was SO happy we came to visit last month. He couldn't stop talking about Hope (or, as Scott called her, Miss Brue). He just loved her. That meant a lot to Mark to hear that. Now we ask Hope where Scott is and she says, "With Jesus."

But amidst all this crap this week there have been little glimpses of goodness: Hope went to bed at 8:30 tonight instead of 11, which has become her normal. Mark, Hope and I got in about 10 minutes of tennis this afternoon before it started to storm. Hope starts swimming pool lessons (that's what she calls them) tomorrow night...and at the end of the lessons she'll be 2 (the last lesson is on her birthday). Mark has some potential stuff going on with his job that could be really good down the road. I got to work a wedding with Pastor Dawn on Saturday and have one more with her this coming Saturday (I'm going to miss her so much...I can't believe she'll be leaving in just a couple of weeks. Maybe if I kidnap her she won't go). We replaced both our digital camera and one of our TVs and we're loving them both. And something REALLY special to me is that our friends Ron and Beth, the ones I have mentioned so much in this blog, asked me to sing at Hope's baptism on Aug. 5th. You have NO idea how honored I was to be asked. They know so many people...especially musicians...but they asked ME! Now if I can only get through that song.

So it's been a week. I'm not sure what else to say. Please continue to keep our friends in your prayers. We'll post more pictures of Hope (we've got some great ones with our new camera) soon. For now, it's time for bed. Hopefully I can sleep through the night tonight. That's been an issue for me this week.

Sweet dreams...

The end of a long, tough day

I'm emotionally exhausted, but I just can't seem to sleep. All of these thoughts running through my head. Wondering how Scott and Jan and Jennifer are doing tonight. We spent the afternoon with Scott and Jan. We did a lot of crying. I looked through pictures with Jan, her sharing with me events from Ryan's childhood. At times we laughed. At times we cried. I ran to the store to get lunch meat, rolls, etc, so they had something in the house to eat. Their son Brandon, his wife Natalie and their 5 week old boy were on their way from Madison. Mark and I had to leave before they got to Scott and Jan's house. It looks like all 5 of them will be flying out of MSP tomorrow so they can get to Ryan's wife's side in Georgia. They're not sure of the arrangements yet. They're sure that Jennifer will want Ryan down there, but they'd like him up here. What to do?? Scott had a great compromise: they cremate Ryan and part of his remains are with Jennifer and part are with Scott and Jan. I can't believe we're even having to talk about this! It just doesn't seem real. There will be a memorial service for Ryan probably on July 14th here in Wisconsin. Mark and I will help Scott and Jan plan that if they need our help. I'm not exactly sure how to do that, but we'll do what they want/need us to do. We love them so much.

We haven't gotten any news yet about arrangements for our friend Scott Basche. Of course today, of all days, the Wisconsin State Journal on line is having problems posting their obituaries. UGH!!! I've looked EVERYWHERE and can't find anything.

Thank you for your prayers for our friends and for us. Time to fold a load of clothes and hopefully get some sleep.

Why, God? Why??

I just got off the phone with Mark. This is an absolutely horrible day. I realize that every day is a blessing from God. After today's news, I truly believe that. BUT...today is a day filled with lots and lots of heartache.

Mark called me with the news that our very good friends Scott and Jan Donkersgoed have lost their youngest son Ryan in a car accident. Ryan is dead. NO!!! Ryan and his wife, Jennifer, moved to Georgia not even a year ago with their son Joshua. Joshua will be 2 in December. Want more bad news?? Jennifer and Ryan are expecting another child. I think the baby is due in August. So now what?? How does this family recover from a blow like this?? Scott and Jan have to be feeling so, so helpless right now being so far away from their daughter-in-law. Why does stuff like this happen, God?? Why them?? Why now?? I would tell people going through something like this the rote answer of "God has a plan. We don't know what it is, but He has a plan." Do I believe it now that it's happening to us?? Yes. Although I have to confess it's hard to grasp on to that right now, it's still true. I have complete faith that God truly will work something good out of this whole tragedy. Again, right now I don't think it's my heart that's believing that. It's truly my head reciting the things I've learned in confirmation, church, etc. But someday my heart will catch up and I truly will believe it with my heart. My head belief will have to be enough right now, Lord.

So a couple of minutes after I finished that conversation with Mark the phone rang again. It was Mark. This time he was SOBBING. I thought he was just checking up on me to see how I was doing with the news. But no. He said the news gets worse. I thought it was more news about Ryan and the car accident. This was another piece of heartbreaking news. Mark's long time friend from Lutheran Brotherhood, Scott Basche (I think I'm spelling his last name correctly), died at 8pm last night. We knew it was just a matter of time for Scott as he had cancer and the cancer had gone into his brain. We actually went to visit Scott at the hospice center in Madison less than a month ago. I'm so glad that we made that visit. Mark is just really distraught about Scott's death. Scott was only 47 and leaves behind a wife and two children (a 14 year old and a 10 year old). His family was at his side when he died, which is comforting. Scott told Mark when we visited a few weeks ago that the doctors told him he only had about 3 months to live. It was more like 3 weeks. We are going to miss Scott so much. He was wonderful with Hope when we visited.

So today has been a day filled with bad news for us. I hope the saying "bad news always comes in threes" does NOT hold true for today. I'm not sure how much more bad news we can take.

We'll be heading to Scott and Jan's house later this afternoon to be with them. To cry with them. To hold them. To help them with anything they need help with. I'm numb. I'm crying. I feel like screaming. I don't know what to do. Please say some prayers today for our friends. They need them...and, frankly, so do we.

I'll leave you with these thoughts: "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them." Romans 8:28

Also from the book of Romans: "Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? No, despite ALL THESE THINGS, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us." Romans 8:35-37

Mission: Garage Sale--Complete

Well, it's done. The garage sale is now over and it actually went really well. We sold over $350 worth of Hope's stuff. I have to confess that each time a pregnant woman came to look through the baby stuff I got a little twinge in my heart. And I have to confess that there were a couple of times that I actually shed tears when someone bought something that I loved seeing Hope in. One of those items was this really cute little pink and white gingham dress with little daisies on it. It was a premie size, so she wore it when she was first born. I loved that dress on her. So as it made its way into a bag and out of our driveway with its new owner, I turned to Mark and just cried. The other time I cried was when Mark said someone was going to buy the pack 'n play. She slept in that thing next to our bed for most of her life. We got it at a garage sale ourselves between the time I had the miscarriage and I got pregnant with Hope, so I didn't think I'd be that attached to it. Just another sign that our little girl isn't so little anymore. Oh...one more thing I got from the garage sale: and incredible sunburn on my shoulders. It hurts so bad!! I'm really great at slathering sunblock on Hope every time she goes outside. Not so much on myself and I should have. All I can say is that this better turn into a tan!! With my luck it'll just peel and then I'll still be as white as ever.

We went to Como Zoo in St. Paul yesterday. We love that zoo. It's not very big (although they keep adding on), but it's FREE!! Well, they ask for a donation, but there's no pressure to donate...but we do. The first thing Hope wanted to see was the lions. She LOVES lions!! She got to finally see the Daddy Lion when he was awake. That made her day.

More on the zoo later. I hear Hope crying for Mommy.