How much more???

I've been asking that question a lot lately about many things. I've had some things happen in my life lately that make me wonder how much God truly thinks I can take before I break. He must think I'm pretty strong. I know a lot of this is just "life," but right now life is pretty tough. I'm waiting for a short period of time when life gets easier.

Let's start with some good news first. Mark is home! His three month stint at the Thrivent home office in Appleton is over. He's now working from home...literally. His office is in the loft, which isn't the best, but it's all we've got. Yesterday we had our first taste of what it will be like with him working from home and Hope and I being home. It's going to be HARD! It's going to be very difficult keeping Hope quiet for large chunks of time while Mark is on the phone. All we can do is do our best. If nothing else, yesterday has motivated us to start cleaning up and out our house so we can get it on the market and get it sold so we can move into a larger home. A larger home will allow Mark to have an office with walls and a door. WOW!!! What a concept. And maybe a larger home will allow me to have a craft/scrapbooking place where I can keep my stuff set out. Then I can REALLY start on my scrapbooking business.

Now for all the bad news: On Friday I went to a funeral for a wonderful man from the church I used to work at. I was so sad to find out he had died. "80" (his name was Adolph, but everyone called him "80") was 81 when he died. He had gone outside in the snow the Monday before Easter and slipped and fell. He hit his head on the pavement and suffered blunt force trauma. He was in a coma all week and died on Good Friday (March 21). "80" was one of the most quiet, kind, loving men of God that I have ever met. Anything that needed to be done, he'd do. He was truly a servant of God and I'm going to miss him tremendously. I can still picture him sitting at one of the desks in the office at Ezekiel, folding bulletins. I'd walk by him, say hello and ask him how he was. His answer was always the same: old and senile. hehehe He was NEITHER of those things. He'd visit our shut ins and give them communion. He'd help Pastor John with worship services at nursing homes. I never knew about his military service though. He was a pilot in the Air Force and flew lots of lots of missions. He was an incredible man and he will be missed by MANY!!

More bad news: my dear from Kim (also a friend from Ezekiel) would have celebrated her 5 year cancer-free anniversary this month. She found out on Friday, March 29th (her daughter's 16th birthday and the ACS's Relay for Life in River Falls) that her cancer is back. It's in her larynx. Because of where it is, it's inoperable. I just read her update at her Caring Bridge site and the news is not good at all. She had a PET scan yesterday. In addition to the spot on the larynx, they found 5 spots on her bones. There is also lymph node involvement and she has a blood clot in the back of her head. She'll be going to the doctor tomorrow for radiation mapping and then it sounds like they'll be heading down to Mayo for a second opinion. THIS SUCKS!!! Kim is so kind. So positive. So incredible. She's such an inspiration. And now she's having to face this. Her husband John is a wonderful man as well. They just have the one child. Kaitlin is taking her driving test today, so they haven't given her the news about the cancer being in Kim's bones yet. They didn't want her thinking about that today. So I think about all the truly evil people in the world and I wonder why God has chosen Kim for this. I know there's a purpose. I know there's a reason. But right now, I'm pretty dang angry about this. I know I can't see the full picture, but I'm wondering if God really knows what he's doing in this case. Kim is only 45 years old. She has a daughter who needs her. Of course when I think about Kaitlin being an only child and how hard this is going to be for her...especially with no siblings to go through it with...it make me think of Hope. (And of course now I'm crying.) If something happened to me, my little girl would be lost. Yes, she has a Daddy who loves her and takes good care of her. She has grandparents who would help Mark. She has others in her life who would do what they could. But she needs her Mommy. And I'm thinking now that it would be so important for her to have a sibling to go through tough times with. But I know that we probably won't be giving that to her. Is that fair?? I don't know.

Another friend (Rachael) is struggling with cancer as well. Her case doesn't look good either. Her doctor in Stillwater, MN, where she was doctoring basically told her that there was nothing more she could do for her. She suggested that Rachael and Isaac either get a second opinion or call hospice. I'm not sure how old Rachael is, but she's younger than me for sure. We met Isaac and Rachael last June when they stopped at our house for our garage sale. She was pregnant and they bought some of Hope's cute little baby clothes. We got to talking about babies and she shared with me that she had lost a baby at 16 weeks pregnant. I shared with her about the miscarriage I had before I had gotten pregnant with Hope. We bonded. Mark and Isaac bonded. We gave them our email address and told them to let us know when the baby was born and they did. Makayla was born in October. The day before she was born, Rachael noticed a lump (I believe it was under her arm). Of course she then gave birth and got busy being a new Mom, so a couple of months had passed before she went to get it checked out. By that time had spread throughout her body. So, Rachael and Isaac are choosing, like Kim, to fight this horrible disease with all that they have. Rachael and Isaac are down at Mayo right now, fighting the fight of their lives.

And to top everything off (and after these three pieces of sad news, this is really petty), we got at least 6 more inches of snow yesterday. UGH!!!!

ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Enough of all the bad news. Enough of all the sadness. Enough of all the snow. I want good news! I want Spring!! I want happiness!

Sorry this has been such a bummer of a post, but this is what's in my heart right now. Please, please keep "80"'s family, Rachael and Isaac and Kim and Kim's family in your prayers. I'll keep you posted.

Maybe something that you might find inspirational:
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28

I have to keep that constantly before me these days.