Celebration of hope

No, not our daughter. Although we do celebrate her on a daily basis. Tonight I attended a really cool benefit for my friend Kim. It was called "A celebration of hope." It was held at the Hudson Town Hall and there were hundreds of people there. What a testimony to the incredible person that is Kim Warneke. Kim called me on Sunday night and asked if I would be willing to do the prayers at the benefit. I was honored that she thought of asking me. The benefit included some silent auction items, raffle items, and some things for sale (pink ribbons, cute little flip-flops that neighborhood kids made, T-shirts that I believe were made by Kim's niece, etc). The hi-light of the night was the balloon launch. Everyone had a balloon (some more than one) and at the same time we all let our pink balloons go. Money was raised to help Kim and John during this time. The ultimate part of the night, though, was to see all the people who came to show love, support and encouragement to this incredible family. I had a chance to chat with Kim briefly tonight (she wanted John to take our picture) and she is truly an inspiration. As she looked at all the people that were there tonight she said, "Melody. I am so lucky. So blessed." WOW!! I don't think that if I were facing what Kim is facing that I'd feel like I was lucky or blessed. Like I said: what an inspiration.

I believe Kim was supposed to have her first of many treatments today. I'm sure she'll be posting about it, so if you've been following her journey via her Caring Bridge website, stay tuned for an update soon.

Oh...I also got to talk to Kim and John's daughter, Kaitlin, tonight. What a sweetheart!! I asked her if she'd like to go with me some time and get a manicure or a pedicure. She loved the idea. It'll be fun to do something girly with her:)

Time for dreamland. I leave tomorrow for a weekend retreat in Wisconsin Dells with three of my middle school girls. It should be fun, but I'm already tired thinking about the lack of sleep upon me. I remember when I was a new youth director and I thrived on retreats, lock ins and stuff like that. I think I'm getting old. :)

Caring Bridge links

Some of you have asked for Rachael's Caring Bridge website, so here's the link. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/rachaelgrover. It's such a sad story, but their faith and determination is truly an inspiration. I was thinking that Rachael had lost a baby when she was 16 weeks pregnant or so and I was mistaken . The baby died at birth. This is a couple who has been through so much. Thanks for your prayers and for caring about them.

My friend Kim also has a Caring Bridge site. http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/kimberlywarneke You can follow her journey by checking out the site.

On a more pleasant note: Hope survived her day at Lisa's pretty well. As much as she cried when I left (which I found out was only for a couple of minutes) she cried when I came to pick her up because she didn't want to go home!!! Lisa said she cried a little when it was nap time, but it passed quickly and she had a good nap. So it looks like Lisa will have Hope on Thursdays which will be great for everyone involved.

The 6" of snow we were supposed to get didn't come. PRAISE GOD!!! It was only rain . They say that we're supposed to get some snow this afternoon, but in our part of the Cities it won't accumulate to more than and inch or two...which will melt quickly because it's supposed to get into the 60s and 70s by early next week. YEAH!!! Yesterday afternoon I came home from doing errands and I told Mark that not only is this our last winter in the house we currently live in, but it's our last winter in Wisconsin. This is RIDICULOUS! I told him that we're moving to Texas. I think we're actually giving it some thought. Ultimately I know in my heart though that we'll be stuck in winter for another 6 months come the fall. I'm depressed thinking about that already.

Time to go make some birthday cards. We have lots of special people with birthdays in the next week. Mark's Grandpa turns 98 (YES!!! 98) on Monday and my sister turns 50 on Monday as well. Tuesday is my brother-in-law John's birthday and the 19th is my nephew Shane's 27th birthday.

Happy Friday, everyone!

Heart ache

I dropped Hope off this morning for her first morning at day care. HEART BREAKING!!! She's stayed at Lisa's house a couple of times when I've needed someone to fill in for Mark's Mom, but this will be our regular routine for a while at least. Once a week isn't bad, is it??? Well, she was crying, crying, crying when I left. I walked out the door and I cried. And then I immediately called Mark and told him that HE gets to take her next week. That's only fair, right?? On the way to Lisa's house she insisted that she didn't like Lisa or Kaitlyn (Lisa's 5 year old daughter), which I know is not the truth. She LOVES seeing Kaitlyn at church. Then she said to me, "Mommy...why do you always take me to Lisa's house and leave me?" Knife through the heart!! Certainly being a Mom wasn't this hard on MY Mom, was it?? What Hope doesn't realize is that if there was any possible way that I could be with her 24/7, I would! I'd do it in a heartbeat. But being with other kids her age is good for her and, as much as I don't want to admit it, having time by myself is good for me, too. The other thing Hope doesn't realize is that when she hits about the age of 12, she won't want to have anything to do with me. I should get all of the "I want Mommy" tears on video now so I can show her them in about a decade. LOL

HUGE prayer request for all of you that read this blog. In previous blogs I've mentioned my friends Rachael and Kim who are both battling cancer. I just read Rachael's latest Caring Bridge update and it is NOT good at all. As a matter of fact, I've cried once about it already this morning and I'm about to cry again. The doctors have given her 3-6 months to live. She may not even live long enough to celebrate her little girl's first birthday with her. That breaks my heart. So I think the realization that they have fought as hard as they can has finally started to hit Isaac and Rachael. Please keep them in your prayers. And know that there's a benefit for them at the River Falls Golf course on Saturday. I would urge anyone who can go to attend. The West Wind Supper Club is providing the meal (it's a pasta buffet) and there will be a band and a silent auction. For more info check out the River Falls Journal article at www.riverfallsjournal.com

Time to go for now. Thanks for your prayers and for caring enough about the happenings in our home to keep coming back to read the blog.

An update

So here we are on night #4 of Hope sleeping in her own room. It's going really well. She actually likes sleeping in her bed...as long as either Mark or I are next to her bed. I wonder how long this part of the transition will last?? Baby steps. I have to admit that I miss her at night. I actually get lonely that she's not next to me. And yet I'm enjoying all the space in my bed. So we're getting there.

Tonight I taught 6th-8th grade confirmation like I do every Wednesday night. Tonight we talked about S-E-X (yep...it's OK to talk about that at church). Almost every Wednesday night we play this game where a question will appear on the big screen (I use power point to teach) and then four answers will appear. The kids have to guess which is the correct answer. Very game show-ish. It's fun and they're learning. It's good all around. Well, one of the questions tonight was this: "God intended sex to be:" and before I could even get any of the answers up on the screen, one of my 6th grade boys yelled out "illegal." I just busted a gut!! So funny!!!

It's late. I'm finally coming down from a great high-energy night with the kids, so it's time to finish watching Top Chef and get to bed.

Oh...another first for us starts tomorrow. Mark and I have both decided that it's time for Hope to start interacting more with kids her own age (Mark's parents watch Hope while I'm at work, so other than story time at the library once a week, she gets very little social time with other kids). Beginning tomorrow, she'll be going each Thursday to daycare at my friend Lisa's house. Lisa does daycare in her home, so this will be great. Wait until Hope gets to her next step to being a big girl: getting rid of that dang pacifier (or pico, as she calls it). That'll happen sometime between now and July 19th (her 3rd birthday).

It's time

Yep. It's time. I'm having mixed emotions right now. I suppose I should tell you what it's time for. It's time for Hope to take her next step towards independence. Tonight she's sleeping in her big girl bed (yes...in her OWN room) for the very first time. I worked on her room all weekend, cleaning it out (it had become a storage closet again since she never used it as a bedroom) and getting it ready for her. Single handedly I even converted her crib into a toddler bed. Good thing we didn't spend the money on the crib we got so it could just be a crib. That would have been a waste of money since I can count the number of times she actually slept in her crib on one hand. We were pretty smart (I think) when we bought her crib and bought one of those cribs that converts into a toddler bed and then into a full size bed. Anyway, it's now a "big girl bed" and she's sleeping in it. Well, she's not sleeping yet because I can hear Hope and Mark conversing. We're not the kind of parents that can let their daughter sleep with them (correction...she sleeps with me while Mark sleeps on the futon in the basement) for 2 1/2 years and then just put her in her own bed and shut her bedroom door. That probably works for some parents. It won't work for us. So Mark is sleeping on a nice air mattress next to her bed. I realize this stage might take a while, too, but it's a start. Right?

So...mixed emotions. I'm thrilled that I can sit in bed with the light on tonight and read and watch the local news at 10. That's something I haven't done in a really, really long time. Yet I know this means that our little girl is growing up. That makes me a little sad. But it's part of life and I realize, as a good friend pointed out to me this week, this will be good for her. It'll be a great step towards her being indepenedent. My Mom and Dad (especially my Dad I learned not too long ago) always taught me to be independent (maybe too much so...lots of people can attest to that) and that's what I want for Hope, too. To be able to rely on others at times, but also to be able to rely on herself. Too philisophical for tonight?? Perhaps. I mean, this step for Hope is something that most kids do as tiny little babies. But we brought her home from the hospital pretty much knowing we were going to do the "family bed" thing. But it's time.

Here are a couple of pictures that I just snapped to remember this big event in our home. I hope you enjoy them.

PS...My friend Kim will begin radiation treatment around the 14th of April. Please keep her in your prayers as she'll have to go 5 days a week for 6 weeks.

Sweet dreams...

Hope wanted to hold Daddy's hand.

Excited to be in her "big girl bed."

Behind the safety rail.

PSS...Right now the thought of "hey, maybe this isn't going to be as hard as I thought" has just given way to "oh man! This is going to be tough." Hope just started crying for Mommy. It's so hard to not go in and get her. People reassure me that in a few nights she'll be OK. I'm praying this is so. I'm not sure if this is harder than potty training or if it's the other way around. But right now I'm feeling like the worst parent in the world for not "rescuing" her when she needs me the most.

How much more???

I've been asking that question a lot lately about many things. I've had some things happen in my life lately that make me wonder how much God truly thinks I can take before I break. He must think I'm pretty strong. I know a lot of this is just "life," but right now life is pretty tough. I'm waiting for a short period of time when life gets easier.

Let's start with some good news first. Mark is home! His three month stint at the Thrivent home office in Appleton is over. He's now working from home...literally. His office is in the loft, which isn't the best, but it's all we've got. Yesterday we had our first taste of what it will be like with him working from home and Hope and I being home. It's going to be HARD! It's going to be very difficult keeping Hope quiet for large chunks of time while Mark is on the phone. All we can do is do our best. If nothing else, yesterday has motivated us to start cleaning up and out our house so we can get it on the market and get it sold so we can move into a larger home. A larger home will allow Mark to have an office with walls and a door. WOW!!! What a concept. And maybe a larger home will allow me to have a craft/scrapbooking place where I can keep my stuff set out. Then I can REALLY start on my scrapbooking business.

Now for all the bad news: On Friday I went to a funeral for a wonderful man from the church I used to work at. I was so sad to find out he had died. "80" (his name was Adolph, but everyone called him "80") was 81 when he died. He had gone outside in the snow the Monday before Easter and slipped and fell. He hit his head on the pavement and suffered blunt force trauma. He was in a coma all week and died on Good Friday (March 21). "80" was one of the most quiet, kind, loving men of God that I have ever met. Anything that needed to be done, he'd do. He was truly a servant of God and I'm going to miss him tremendously. I can still picture him sitting at one of the desks in the office at Ezekiel, folding bulletins. I'd walk by him, say hello and ask him how he was. His answer was always the same: old and senile. hehehe He was NEITHER of those things. He'd visit our shut ins and give them communion. He'd help Pastor John with worship services at nursing homes. I never knew about his military service though. He was a pilot in the Air Force and flew lots of lots of missions. He was an incredible man and he will be missed by MANY!!

More bad news: my dear from Kim (also a friend from Ezekiel) would have celebrated her 5 year cancer-free anniversary this month. She found out on Friday, March 29th (her daughter's 16th birthday and the ACS's Relay for Life in River Falls) that her cancer is back. It's in her larynx. Because of where it is, it's inoperable. I just read her update at her Caring Bridge site and the news is not good at all. She had a PET scan yesterday. In addition to the spot on the larynx, they found 5 spots on her bones. There is also lymph node involvement and she has a blood clot in the back of her head. She'll be going to the doctor tomorrow for radiation mapping and then it sounds like they'll be heading down to Mayo for a second opinion. THIS SUCKS!!! Kim is so kind. So positive. So incredible. She's such an inspiration. And now she's having to face this. Her husband John is a wonderful man as well. They just have the one child. Kaitlin is taking her driving test today, so they haven't given her the news about the cancer being in Kim's bones yet. They didn't want her thinking about that today. So I think about all the truly evil people in the world and I wonder why God has chosen Kim for this. I know there's a purpose. I know there's a reason. But right now, I'm pretty dang angry about this. I know I can't see the full picture, but I'm wondering if God really knows what he's doing in this case. Kim is only 45 years old. She has a daughter who needs her. Of course when I think about Kaitlin being an only child and how hard this is going to be for her...especially with no siblings to go through it with...it make me think of Hope. (And of course now I'm crying.) If something happened to me, my little girl would be lost. Yes, she has a Daddy who loves her and takes good care of her. She has grandparents who would help Mark. She has others in her life who would do what they could. But she needs her Mommy. And I'm thinking now that it would be so important for her to have a sibling to go through tough times with. But I know that we probably won't be giving that to her. Is that fair?? I don't know.

Another friend (Rachael) is struggling with cancer as well. Her case doesn't look good either. Her doctor in Stillwater, MN, where she was doctoring basically told her that there was nothing more she could do for her. She suggested that Rachael and Isaac either get a second opinion or call hospice. I'm not sure how old Rachael is, but she's younger than me for sure. We met Isaac and Rachael last June when they stopped at our house for our garage sale. She was pregnant and they bought some of Hope's cute little baby clothes. We got to talking about babies and she shared with me that she had lost a baby at 16 weeks pregnant. I shared with her about the miscarriage I had before I had gotten pregnant with Hope. We bonded. Mark and Isaac bonded. We gave them our email address and told them to let us know when the baby was born and they did. Makayla was born in October. The day before she was born, Rachael noticed a lump (I believe it was under her arm). Of course she then gave birth and got busy being a new Mom, so a couple of months had passed before she went to get it checked out. By that time had spread throughout her body. So, Rachael and Isaac are choosing, like Kim, to fight this horrible disease with all that they have. Rachael and Isaac are down at Mayo right now, fighting the fight of their lives.

And to top everything off (and after these three pieces of sad news, this is really petty), we got at least 6 more inches of snow yesterday. UGH!!!!

ENOUGH ALREADY!!! Enough of all the bad news. Enough of all the sadness. Enough of all the snow. I want good news! I want Spring!! I want happiness!

Sorry this has been such a bummer of a post, but this is what's in my heart right now. Please, please keep "80"'s family, Rachael and Isaac and Kim and Kim's family in your prayers. I'll keep you posted.

Maybe something that you might find inspirational:
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28

I have to keep that constantly before me these days.

Happy Easter

I know this is late, but it's been a busy week. It's gone by pretty quickly though, much to my surprise. We had a great Easter weekend even though I was exhausted by the time I got home from church on Easter Sunday. I managed to not be able to fall asleep until 1:30am...and then I was up at 3 and heading to church by 4:30. The kids did a great job serving Easter breakfast (yummy French Toast bake, ham and fruit), but we didn't make much $$$. AND we had 10 pans of French toast bake left over. Sheesh!! I think next year we're doing something simple like muffins and fruit.

Anyway...I was able to come home that day and take a nap with Hope. When we woke up we searched for the Easter baskets (yes...basketS) that the Easter Bunny brought for Hope. Then we got Hope back into her Easter dress and headed to Mark's sister's house for an Easter egg hunt for Hope. She had such a great time (of course it's always fun being the center of attention, isn't it??).

So here are some pictures of our weekend. It started out on Saturday with Hope and I dying Easter eggs for the first time. We had a blast!! Enjoy...

Oh, and PS...the 5 inches of snow they were predicting we were supposed to get tomorrow has been changed to 0 inches. PRAISE GOD!!! I'm so flippin' sick of winter I could scream. Maybe Spring is finally here!

Dying Easter eggs for the very first time.

I'm SOOOOOOOOO excited!!

Pretty in pink.

Easter fun at Auntie Cheryl's house.

Grass fight with Daddy!!!