Godspeed, Andrew!!!

Here I sit at my desk with tears in my eyes. My nephew Andrew just called to say goodbye. He took his last test at Keesler Air Force Base in Biloxi, MS, and he got a 94. He's officially done with school. Tomorrow he leaves for his next part of his journey in the Air Force. He'll be stationed for the next 2-3 years at Ramstein AFB in Germany. He was supposed to be able to come home for a couple of weeks before heading to Germany, but because the military is the military, he can't come home and is heading out immediately. I won't get to see him until Christmas unless I go over this fall, which is a possibility. I'm so proud of him and what he's chosen to do with his life. He's going to love it over there and he's going to do well. The scary part is that 95% of the Airmen and Airwomen over there end up getting deployed. Not all of them get deployed to Iraq or Afghanistan, but it could happen. The good thing is that since he's in the Air Force, he wouldn't be on the front lines, but does that really matter with this mess of a war we've gotten ourselves into?? That's truly no consolation to me. I'm praying that he gets deployed to Italy. Now THAT would be perfect!!!

At any rate, Andrew has less than 24 hours left on US soil. I know I've said it before, but in many ways Andrew is like the son I'll never have. I think that's why I'm taking this so hard. I'm really going to miss him. Please keep Andrew and all of our soldiers in your prayers. Godspeed, Andrew!! I love you.

A Mommy question...

Mark and I will eventually be putting our lovely house on the Kinni up for sale. With Mark working from home beginning in the next couple of months (hopefully sooner than later), we really need a bigger house with an extra room that can be an office. An office where he can close the door and not be interrupted by Hope and me if we're home. So, looking ahead, before we can put this house on the market, we have to get rid of a lot of stuff. The first place I started was Hope's room. I just got done going through all of her clothes. Here's my question for all of you Mommies out there...will I cry EVERY time I get rid of the clothes she's outgrown?? I love being able to share these clothes with friends who have little girls (you know who you are....and Beth, if you read this before church tomorrow, be ready for another couple of bags of clothes. hehehe), but it always reminds me of how quickly my girl, my baby, is growing. This week I filled out her pre-school registration form.

That's my question.

And just for the record...I'm STILL getting tears in my eyes when I talk to people about the Super Bowl. I'm still heartbroken that my Packers aren't in the big game tomorrow. Goofiness, I know. The good news is that Hope and I are heading to Appleton next weekend to see Mark. My sister and her family (her hubby John and their two kids...Sophie who is 6--going on 26--and Jack who is 3 months younger than Hope)are meeting us in Green Bay. We're going to the Packer Hall of Fame on Saturday all together. FUN!!! Mark and I have been there, but we think it's high time to take Hope to Mecca:) Then John and Ali lined up a babysitter (John's niece who lives in Green Bay) to watch all three kids (I'm guessing Hope will cry the whole time we're gone) so we can have adult conversation. WHAT A CONCEPT!!! Looking forward to spending next weekend at Lambeau takes away a little--but very little--of the sting of not playing in the Super Bowl tomorrow.

GO GIANTS!!

Happy 8th anniversary....

January 25th marked the 8th anniversry of my Dad going to heaven. That day has been a difficult day for me for 8 years now. No matter how many years go by, I always get "blue", anxious and even more difficult to live with around that date every year. And it just sneaks up on me. You wouldn't think, after this many years, that it would. It just shows that time can ease the pain, but the longing for someone you love never truly goes away. I was fortunate to have 67 years with my Dad, but in my opinion, that was not enough years. I wish he would have been here to meet Mark and to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I wish he were here at Christmas time so we could watch "A Christmas Story" together, over and over again, like we used to do. I wish I could get up on Sunday morning and hear him laughing as he was watching The Three Stooges. I wish he were here to know his Granddaughter, Hope. Man would he love that girl!!! Death is a tough thing to deal with. Suicide is even more difficult. Some of you know, others don't, that my Dad took his own life. I guess the "silver lining" in this case is that he had been so ill for so long (almost 20 years) that none of us can really blame him for making the decision he made. I know it must have been an agonizing decision for him because he loved life and he loved his family. I also have the feeling he talked about this many, many times with his Savior. Mom said that the last weeks, months before he died he would study his Bible in the morning and at night. I think he was looking for an answer. I truly believe that he came to peace with God about his decision. So for 8 years now Dad has been healthy and whole and for that I'm so thankful. Whenever I hear the song "I Can Only Imagine," I think of Dad and what his reaction was when he met Jesus 8 years ago. I always cry when I hear that song, too.

So, happy 8th anniversary in heaven, Dad. I love you. I miss you. I think of you every day. Please take good care of the baby that I lost before I had Hope. Give him/her a big hug from his/her Mommy and tell him/her that I love him/her very much.

PS...If there happens to be anyone out there that reads this and is thinking about committing suicide...PLEASE GET HELP!! It doesn't just involve you. It's not just your decision. It involves all those who love you. You might be ending your pain, but you're giving pain that will last a lifetime to those around you. There is help.

They grow so quickly...

Last weekend at a scrapbooking retreat, I was able to get a bit more done in Hope's "First Year of Life" scrapbook (I know...I'm WAY behind). I realized that there were some pictures that I wanted to put in the scrapbook, but I didn't have them with me. I looked briefly at home and they weren't where I thought they might be. Hhhmmmm. So I looked on the computer to make sure I still had those pictures and I do, so I'll just re-print (thank God for digital photography and computers). As I was looking at pictures, I came across this precious video of Mark giving Hope her first bath in the hospital. She was just one day old. I watched it (many times...as was Hope's request) with tears streaming down my cheeks. Where did my little baby girl go?? I hope you enjoy this video as much as I do.

Introducing Wyatt Matthew

Here's the picture I promised of me holding Wyatt. He is just SOOOOO cute!!! I can't wait to see him again. Did I mention that he was born in the very same room that Hope was born in?? How cool is that?? The really weird thing is that when I went to see Andrea, Bert and Wyatt at the hospital on Friday night, the nurse at the nurses' station said to me, "Isn't that the room you were in when you had your daughter?? Her name is Faith...or Hope, isn't it?" I had no idea who this woman was, but she remembered me from 2.5 years ago when I had Hope. That's pretty cool (and maybe a little scary). And don't mind my bad hair day. I am in desperate need of a haircut! Just focus on that cute little boy in my arms.

One more emotion

I know I said I was done until the next piece of Packer news comes up, but I have to share one more thing. This blog is my therapy. Now I'm just feeling numb. Still in shock that we lost. I'm sitting here listening to Packers post game via the internet right now (WTMJ out of Milwaukee). It's like a funeral durge. The guys (the players) are numb. They have no idea what to do now because they fully anticipated they'd have two more weeks left of the season. So did I. So tomorrow I'll wear black and then life will go on.

Saddened, angry and sick to my stomach!

I can't believe we lost. I mean, I know that on any given Sunday any team in the NFL can lose, but I truly didn't expect it to be the Green Bay Packers today in a cold Lambeau Field against the New York Giants. Oh my gosh!!! My initial reaction: tears. I know. It sounds stupid. I just love my Packers so much and feel so sad for them. My next reaction: anger. They actually deserved to lose today. They looked like crap. The Giants aren't that good of a team. If my memory serves me right, they were a WILD CARD TEAM!!! I'm angry that the Packers got so many penalties for doing stupid things. I'm angry that they didn't take advantage of quite a few big plays and situations. My reaction right now: I'm sick to my stomach. Literally. I feel like I could lose my cookies right now. You can't get this close to the Superbowl and blow it like the Packers did today. UGH!!!!! Now my post football season funk will begin. I go through this every year when the Packers are done. This year it just hurts a lot more. To be so close to the big game and not make it just stings. We will be a divided house for the Superbowl. Mark is hoping the Patriots win (payback to the Giants for beating the Packers today). I'm hoping the Giants win because I dislike the Patriots as much as I dislike the Vikings and the Cowboys. I think it would be funnier than heck if their perfect season was blemished at the Superbowl by a wild card team with ELI MANNING as the quarterback (he stinks). Don't get me wrong, I think Eli is probably a really nice kid and I like his brother a lot, but he's no Brett Favre for sure. Heck, Tom "Pretty Boy" Brady is no Brett Favre either.

There are a couple of plusses about the Packers losing today. 1) The time I spent watching football can now be replaced by cleaning my house and continuing to work on Hope's scrapbook. 2) I think this makes it more likely that Brett will be back next year.

Enough about football. I had a great weekend at a scrapbooking retreat this weekend. I stayed up WAY too late both Friday and Saturday nights and then got up WAY too early in the morning. As a result, I'm exhausted. I got some good things done in Hope's book though, so it was worth the lack of sleep. Plus, I got to meet some really cool women and also spend some great time with my friend Lisa K.

Another really exciting thing happened on Thursday. My friends Andrea and Bert had their baby. Wyatt Matthew Stone was born at 7:53pm on January 17. He weighed 6 lbs, 9 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He is absolutely beautiful!! I got to see him on Friday night and Bert took a great picture of Wyatt and me. I'll post it if I get permission from Andrea.

OK...time to go pout. For those of you who see me during the week, just bear with me and let me work my way through this. It's like I'm in mourning. Again, I realize it's silly because it's just a game, but it's my team. So until the next time there's some exciting Packers news to report...See ya!!